Dear John : "__________"

It's barely 7am, and I am wide awake. A couple of hours ago, I was praying for sleep, a little yawn even, heavy eyelids, teary eyes. After several minutes, I was in the Dreamland Express. Sadly, I startled awake shortly when sunlight was already dripping from the narrow mouths of my window, which were slightly ajar. And sleep had left me all too soon. I thought I would need to be online, since I was in Bulacan all day yesterday, I didn't have the chance to browse anything in the internet. Then I had found myself reading my old blog. It had a funny name: www.aheartbeatwinter.wordpress.com. I thought it was funny because I was in my college days when I've set it up, back when the Emo fad was so high up in the skies and everyone claimed they were Emo. lol. But this blog was unbelievably special to me. It was the only witness of all my ups and downs. I've written my defeats and my triumphs in here and of course, the primary purpose was to exhibit to the world just how sappy I am whenever I fell in love. Having said that, I've recovered one post, which I believe, is the most unforgettable. It was dedicated, of course, to my boyfriend. I'm more than proud to paste a copy of that here, and show you how I can be as dramatic and corny I can be. :p

I was thinking about you all day, my cloudy vision fallen fixed on the empty concrete, twitching occasionally  as my pen cries out blotches of ink in this indecent piece of board, which I found somewhere inside the training room. I was looking at your pictures, feasting my eyes at your luscious pale rose lips and wished I was kissing you that instant

I miss you…

I miss you so much…

I long for you…

I was holding back the tears as you would not want me to cry whenever we are apart. I struggled to recall how you want me to find something that could take my mind off of us, not together; how you want me to write and go on. I did. And I was writing. I was blissful, utterly blissful. Though I wrote a new piece with only you in my head. Putting in remnants of our juvenile love story. I was feeling princessly in my personal fairy tale, somehow, or maybe Misa-chan while dreaming of Yagami Light.

I felt feathery and warm, like I could go on being caressed by the breeze, taking me to uncharted grounds, caring about nothing but living. I felt peaceful. A sensation strangely vague in my perspective. If I remember correctly, I have wanted that for the longest time, to be happy. To feel serene for a moment. I was wishing that I had never learned how to cry nor to bleed, as I had found shelter in this dark room for the many years I endured. I sought for it in many a different places and found but ephemeral fun that eventually faded and bored me to hell, where I ended up being all by myself yet again, in chaos and in blades. I did not know what I needed. I just wanted something, or someone. I was never certain.

I found you.

And I did not want to be sure. I did not want to go back from where I left off, wallowing in pathetic prejudices I came up with to bestow on my head the loser’s crown. But then again…

In you, I found the happiness, the fulfillment I sought for almost forever.

I feel safe and loved when I’m all covered up in your arms. feel the warmth of your body.

I know you are there and that I am protected, because with you, I would never have to think that the sun would have to die; that life flows in grace in every dying raindrop, no matter how hard they fell into the grounds.

And on the surface of this desolate piece of land where my weathering soul lay, I feel rising and breathing, to see your smile and see my face in the mirror of your eyes. Where I could see through you and know that you see me too. Seeing me, the beauty in this frailty and senseless vanity. You embraced me and kissed me and gave life to me. You made me see how the sun could triumph against the night when she awakens at dawn. And in that strength and victory lies such pulchritude in the living, and hoping to live, stretching out my body to dance to the rhythm and hum the melody that was Life and Death. I would cry for your pain and celebrate your happiness.

I am weaving white sandcastle dreams with you. And when our tears finally reaches the sea and destroy these dreams, I’d sleep all my life to weave better fantasies for you.

So close your eyes and open your heart. You might feel what could have been too close for these eyes to see, or too loud for these ears to hear…

Do you feelt it?

Hey John…I Love you…:)

The Sun Sets at 10 AM

I am not trying to scare you lol. This shot does seem a bit gothic eh? But we did it on purpose. My boyfriend likes my new bangs, which I cut myself a few days back. He said it made me look a bit younger, and so does other people say, and my inner goddess jumps in glee. ^^, My full bangs also remind me of how I dress up during my college days. I was this class goth girl always clad in black and thick knee high socks and elastic bands. So even if I don't exactly dress up like that goth girl in this outfit post, we thought one semi-eerie shot wouldn't hurt :) The background was also a big help. It looked like we were in an abandoned lot with the ruins of an old house. But we were in Ninoy Aquino Parks and Wildlife, actually ^_^

green knit top ; flea market

mullet skirt ; Shopper's Gym, Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall

sandals ; Mario D' Boro

Speedy Bag ; SM Parisian Bags

necklace and rings ; AI Fashion

Hair Extensions ; The Landmark

Okay, so onto my outfit. Since the sun was surprisingly shining brightly this morning, I thought I would play up with sunshine colors since I'm also feeling joyful and vigorous because I'm going out with my boyfriend. This new mullet skirt that I got last week from a sale in Shopper's Gym, Sta. Lucia East Grand Mall, (I swear I recalled Hannah Mercedes as the store's name sorry) definitely embodied that splash of sunlight colors that I needed. Lemon yellow and orange, with little hints of white and light green were just perfect for the weather and my mood! And as I've learned from one of my favorite bloggers, you can pick the least or faintest hue on a print and play with it! In this skirt, I chose the green hue, so I donned a green knit tank top, which is sooo old in my closet. I think I've had this since I was eleven years old! No kidding :) At least it meant I'm still as sexy when I was younger lol (I kid, I kid!)

 I really love this neon necklace! And it was so cool that almost all the colors in this neckpiece complement my entire outfit! There's the greens, yellows, orange, except the pink. But it still looks great right? Aside from that, I was so happy to realize that I've got accessories which were all matchy matchy with my outfit! hooray for my mini collection ♥

I believe you can tell from this photo how I've been merciless with this sandals. This pair is my most used and abused footwear in my closet. But I can't help it, they just look so cute, for me at least, and absolutely comfortable. By the way, it was really strange how I've been blabbing about how great the sunlight was when I woke up until we got here at the park, when the clouds darkened and the rain poured like crazy! So you can probably see my sandals and my toes are all muddied up boohoo!!

Good thing my new speedy bag was waterproof! It looks so yummy, don't you agree? I got this 2 weeks ago. The original plan was to buy this one in green, for my best friend's birthday. But when I saw this tangerine bag, screaming at me like "buy me! buy me!" I was more than willing to comply lol

Can you tell what else looked different? My super lovely curly hair! And it's not real lol I've mentioned before that I'm a cosplayer, or "was" a cosplayer, so I have a lot of wigs and hair extensions in my closet. I decided to wear this curly pony extension to add a little punch of "korean" drama in my look lol I think it went well with my bangs, agree? :)

I don't know what kind of flower this is, but it immediately caught my attention that I ordered my boyfriend to take a shot of it hehe :p Sorry for the blur

So anyway, we went right after to QC Memorial Circle to have lunch. I was getting a little tired of fast food so we decided to eat at a karinderia. Just like the old days :D

So this was what I had: Beef Pares with vegetable soup. And my bowl of rice was really good, with all the tofu and fried garlic decorating the bowl. It was really good and for Php 50? Sulit na sulit na sulit!

Sizzling Tocilog for my boyfriend!!! :D he looks a bit sad though, I don't know why. I believe he enjoyed his tocino though hehe

So how about a hype? Ü